Shopping

Like any recovering addict, for the past few days I have been suffering from withdrawal symptoms.  Believe or not, I have gone cold turkey when it comes shopping – until a few weeks ago I used to spend my weekends wandering the malls and if I saw something I liked, I’d buy it.

Don’t get me wrong, my cupboards aren’t overflowing with designer clothes, handbags or shoes. Instead my bookshelves are groaning under the weight of dozens of books – most of them unread; my kitchen is packed to overflowing with stuff – I know the assistants in Crate and Barrel on a first name basis;  my craftroom is full to the brim all sorts of things that I haven’t touched in months and I have a very impressive collection of magazines – enough to probably fill a large recycle bin! 

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve stayed away from the malls and have tried to avoid temptation – this is partly because I have had very little money but, also, because I wanted to try and prove to myself that there is life after shopping. For the first few weekends I impressed myself with my restraint – a trip to Ikea resulted in me buying exactly what I had gone for and nothing else and my weekly grocery shop was strictly controlled – for the first time in a long time I shopped with a list!

This weekend however was a different – I spent the whole of Saturday fighting the overwhelming urge to splurge.  I resisted and stayed home but instead of feeling like I’ve taken another step towards recovery, I feel defeated, miserable and resentful. In an attempt to try and get myself out of my funk I picked up one of my many books and after reading the first few chapters realised that maybe I am attracting these feeling because instead of focussing on the positives I am always looking at the negatives – how little money I have, how much money I how etc.

I’ve decided that this week, I am going to try and start losing my limiting beliefs and change my thoughts and see where that leads.